BIOGRAPHY TIME!!!
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| Holy jebus, really?! |
Yes, really, you mindless slave! You're about to feast your wondrous eyes on some of the worst best writing you've ever seen and it's not even an actual story, it's just a review of a fake biography posted by someone named IcyGamma.
But before you go on and say "But we already talked about IcyGamma, isn't this a bit old?" I was finally able to feast my eyes upon his real autobiography. Which you can find at this link. And I haven't actually read it, because holy damn it's long, but I'm actually really enthusiastic to read one of the worst-held works of art ever.
And thanks to special user Emo Freak, who wrote a wonderful review of my last major blog post (titled "The IcyGamma Incident", which you can view here). You can view his response at this link (wow, so many links!).
So why don't we get down to the actual review, shall we?
First off, the cover is actually well designed and I'm a fan of the font. But then you scroll down and your eyes are murdered very slowly with a steak knife as you gaze upon that pink and cyan monstrosity. Then, you've got the chapter names (which I might add, do not have any page number after them, nice editing Icy, makes it real convenient to read) which are somewhat creative, but do not interest me whatsoever.
Okay and then we get into the actual writing, which has bored me even further.
And then I skimmed, and I quote this from the actual book-thing, whatever, which is ironically enough actually written from the perspective of someone outside of the story (what a joke! couldn't even write it himself). "In version 8, ID discrimination was rampant."
I'm going to stop right there and call out IcyGamma on his bull. Because it's pretty obvious that ID discrimination will never go away and it's still very rampant on both the forums and on the actual game. Which is unfortunate for new players or alts, because they often get yelled at for their ID (most of the time by unintelligent users who do nothing but belittle other players because of their ID). Unfortunately also is the fact that you can only really avoid this by removing an ID system and replacing it with veteran badges. That way the only thing you can really discriminate against is the veterans, which very rarely happens (unless being brought up in an argument about having a life). This is a very bad solution because it would remove the core ID system that we can identify and understand other users by.
Also, beyond the "implying that ID discrimination still isn't rampant" part, it's also quite obvious that he has no idea what he's talking about. He goes on to talk about how some AFKers in a freebuild were discriminating him. "Ridiculous, I know." If he knows it's ridiculous, I don't see why he would put it in a novel that other people are definitely going to read (I have actually thought of printing this out and selling copies to the uninformed masses - everyone must know about IcyGamma's creed [I'm probably using this word incorrectly]!).
This is a poor situation for IcyGamma to be in. The poor slug probably just wanted to make a little book about him, and then he got legions of hate snails attacking his worm/slug kingdom: I'm rambling here, though, and I have no idea what I'm talking about so you can disregard this paragraph entirely.
Alright, now I've skipped to Chapter 3, also titled "IceShard Clan". I'm assuming this is about Blockland clans, because I do actually remember Icy being very involved in this back when I was using an old account. But I love this bit right here - "At this point in time, IcyGamma didn't understand how to host a Blockland server, so he sought refuge at dedicated servers". Nice wordplay there, Icy, but I'm afraid that you were probably disabled at this point. The ONLY thing I knew how to do at that point in time, when I first got my ID, was host a server and install addons. Really other than that, I didn't build or do anything of the sort. It was all about maps, guns, and vehicles. Some I treasured.
Now you read even further and it tells about the creation of the actual clan - not very bad. Actually a quite well-formed paragraph or too, but it's not actually that bad.
And then you go on, past the "plus toast" part, which is you know, moderately funny. This is making me want to write a biography of me, but I don't really want to because I know it would just end poorly like this. Anyway, you get past that part, and you find that clans were given a bad rap, which I don't believe, really, because they're held in high esteem. Either this kid was not aware of what was going on, or it was really like that at the time. I have no idea what "OOPAH" means.
"People believed there were too many boring clans coming and going and doing nothing. So I wrote 'survival of the fittest' in my post."
Really?
The clan launched well. What a surprise.
IcyGamma began his spiral into spamming IceShard all over pretty quickly, and chaseyqurt found it a good idea. I don't know why he believed it would be a good idea. Maybe he was really that disabled, who knows. I doubt it though - and I really should stop insulting the kid, he was probably very young at the time.
Chapter 7, which I finally reached, more like skimmed to.
Now I finally got to MicroBlock vs. BlockinTosh. Really this isn't even a battle, it's just "survival of the fittest" in terms of his events. MackTheHunter was initially accused of shamelessly "observing" his clans and builds, but then IcyGamma went even farther to announce that Mack had made a Frankenstein! He even found it very creepy. How cute!
Icy even goes on to admit that he scrapped IcyEvents and just you know, created stuff. Interesting stuff I guess. I don't really know. I'm really tired right now, so I figure I'm going to stop and just re-give you the link.
http://thepotato.net/IcyGamma_Biography.pdf
Enjoy.
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